Setback ...

I'm a little out of sorts today ...

I had my usual doctor's appointment yesterday, and the outlook was quite good, generally, looking at my blood-work. My diabetes is coming back into control, after not having the means to manage it when we were not able to afford insurance and medical care ... that is truly good news ... but, there was other news, and I have mixed feelings about sharing it ... but here goes ...

We discovered that I have an irregular heartbeat ... I have tachycardia (fast heart beat) that has to be evaluated and treated ... and this could be the reason for my fainting, falling, etc. ... but, it is a serious issue that I am not taking lightly ... I know the consequences ...

I have been experiencing an unusual "flutter" on occasion, and mentioned it yesterday. I know, and my doctor knows, that women experience serious heart issues very differently than men do ... so she checked my pulse, and she had an EKG (electrocardiogram) done in the office ... though everything else is normal, both showed tachycardia ... and she ordered a referral to a cardiologist. I am soaking it in today, and then I will begin the search for someone who will take our insurance ...

In the back of my mind, the argument begins of economics versus health ... can we afford this? We are under insured, and we can barely afford how we live now ... how can we afford more expense now? Can I, in good faith, inflict this upon my family? What should I do? As a former cardiac nurse, I have a pretty good idea of the litany of tests that are facing me ... and their expense ... and the meds ... and their expense ... and the docs ... and their expense ... and the consequence of ignoring it altogether ...

It's literally breaking my heart ...

I know I am only one of MANY who have to make decisions like this every day ...

I only pray that I may live to see as many of my girls accomplishments as possible ...

I haven't called family/friends yet, as there is nothing yet to say until I see a doctor. My motto has always been, "Don't worry, until there is something to worry about!" We'll try to sort this all out after the holidays ...

So, I will send this "worry" of mine out into the Universe, and leave it there with my God ...

I will light a candle for my own personal intentions ...

I know that my own Guardian Angels will watch over and protect me and mine as I go forth ...

... this hardship is just earning me another diamond in my crown in heaven, right? Wow, by now, I should have a stunning, Miss/Mrs. Universe crown ... maybe a few of them!

Happy Birthday in Heaven, Grandma ...

Florencia Crisostomo Lizama Garrido

10/26/2012

Today, Grandma would be 102 years old ... 102!!!

I can't even begin to fathom that age ... wow! How much change did this lovely lady see ... and how much adversity and hardship did she endure ... and how strong was she? She was just amazing! But, she was NEVER boastful or sought out recognition. She was a true super hero ... a quiet Superwoman!

I pray that those of us who have been touched and affected by her life, will go forward with the wisdom and DIGNITY that she imparted upon us ... teaching the next generations ... NEVER forgetting where we have come from, and appreciating what we have received.

Do I remember Grandma ever celebrating her own birthday while I lived on Guam? No, I don't! Am I surprised? No, I don't think I am. I remember Grandma being a self-less woman ... never putting herself in the spotlight ... always thinking of others. Today, I spotlight YOU, Grandma. While I may not remember celebrations of YOU in my childhood, know that in my heart, you and your lessons will always remain first and foremost, and I celebrate that.

Grandma, you taught ALL of us that LOVE IS INFINITE!!! You've taught us all about love of family, and love of God ... and that this love is forever. You've shown us by your example of your own life, and the very act of what you did for my father speaks volumes to me. Know how much we love you, and that we always will.

Each October, I watch as your special day comes closer, and I think of you more and more, each year as *I* get older. I know that you watch over each of your children, grandchildren, ... and now your great-grands ... your family expands, and so does our love, respect, and admiration for you.

I will never presume to speak for anyone ... but on this, I will ... your children and your grandchildren love and miss you so much ... your great-grandchildren's world is a little less special, by not having YOU in this world. 

We know that we have you watching over us, as our own special Guardian Angel. We know we have you praying those rosaries and novenas for us, for our own special intentions. We know that, even though you are in heaven, you are still very much a big part of our lives. 

Happy Birthday, Grandma ...

... until we are all together again ...