Setback ...

I'm a little out of sorts today ...

I had my usual doctor's appointment yesterday, and the outlook was quite good, generally, looking at my blood-work. My diabetes is coming back into control, after not having the means to manage it when we were not able to afford insurance and medical care ... that is truly good news ... but, there was other news, and I have mixed feelings about sharing it ... but here goes ...

We discovered that I have an irregular heartbeat ... I have tachycardia (fast heart beat) that has to be evaluated and treated ... and this could be the reason for my fainting, falling, etc. ... but, it is a serious issue that I am not taking lightly ... I know the consequences ...

I have been experiencing an unusual "flutter" on occasion, and mentioned it yesterday. I know, and my doctor knows, that women experience serious heart issues very differently than men do ... so she checked my pulse, and she had an EKG (electrocardiogram) done in the office ... though everything else is normal, both showed tachycardia ... and she ordered a referral to a cardiologist. I am soaking it in today, and then I will begin the search for someone who will take our insurance ...

In the back of my mind, the argument begins of economics versus health ... can we afford this? We are under insured, and we can barely afford how we live now ... how can we afford more expense now? Can I, in good faith, inflict this upon my family? What should I do? As a former cardiac nurse, I have a pretty good idea of the litany of tests that are facing me ... and their expense ... and the meds ... and their expense ... and the docs ... and their expense ... and the consequence of ignoring it altogether ...

It's literally breaking my heart ...

I know I am only one of MANY who have to make decisions like this every day ...

I only pray that I may live to see as many of my girls accomplishments as possible ...

I haven't called family/friends yet, as there is nothing yet to say until I see a doctor. My motto has always been, "Don't worry, until there is something to worry about!" We'll try to sort this all out after the holidays ...

So, I will send this "worry" of mine out into the Universe, and leave it there with my God ...

I will light a candle for my own personal intentions ...

I know that my own Guardian Angels will watch over and protect me and mine as I go forth ...

... this hardship is just earning me another diamond in my crown in heaven, right? Wow, by now, I should have a stunning, Miss/Mrs. Universe crown ... maybe a few of them!